It’s a conversation you find yourself having, like clockwork, again and again. Someone shares the inner radiance of their heart with you, and you listen closely, quietly marveling at the way human beings resemble the unfolding sunrise every time they open up. Every shred of truth, each confession of longing, pain, ecstasy, and fear, seems to carry its own hue, and you watch with childlike wonder as you behold the unique symphony of colors that comprises each person’s inner world.
But as your eyes curiously unravel the secrets tucked away in theirs, a flicker of uncertainty overtakes them, the spell breaks for a moment, and they say: “what about you?”
And you never know what to say. You can happily, readily dive into the deepest waters of another person’s soul, but you’ve never quite mastered the art of inviting them into yours. Where would you take them? To the lush meadows where your daydreams of a peaceful, harmonious world live, or to the eye of the storm that harbors your wildest, most hidden impulses and desires? Should you bring them into the lively fire of your passions, or should you invite them into the calm, steady sea of your deepest contemplations? How do you convey that all of these seemingly contradictory worlds form the reality of who you are? And if you showed them, would they stay?
You’re never sure, so you smile and look away. They sense the distance that exists between you and the world, but only you know deeply it sometimes wounds you. It exists as a secret between you and God, the insurmountable conclusion of who you are. But you’re learning to embrace it, because you finally understand: had He made you any simpler, maybe you wouldn’t have sought Him so deeply. Maybe making you different was God’s way of creating a standing invitation for Himself within your heart; a space that only He could fill.
x r
Lilac Muse 