Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about how easy it is to destroy the softest, sweetest parts of who we are, and how so much of the external world seems almost designed to persuade us to do so. As I watch the people I love grow and change, I think back to my memories of their most tender, vulnerable moments, and I wonder where all that unapologetic softness goes as people age. I often think about how different the world would be if we weren’t compelled to hide the most delicate aspects of ourselves simply to carry out the pantomime of adulthood. I’m as guilty of it as anyone else- how many times in a day do I shy away from being as kind as I’d like to be because life has taught me to fear the consequences of kindness? How many compliments do I leave idling on my tongue because I don’t want to come across as insincere or easily taken advantage of?
But it wounds me to harden my heart, and I can’t deeply connect with anyone unless I take my foot off the brake and break my shell open at least a little. There’s just one important thing life has taught me that I’ll never unlearn: I have the right to set firm boundaries about who I offer my softness to, and not everyone deserves a seat at my table. This isn’t a matter of arrogance or selfishness, it’s self-respect.
x r
Lilac Muse 